This week we discussed the role of parents. What is my role as a parent?
I believe in society my role as a parent is to raise my children to be assets to the community to learn they are part of a bigger picture and they have a responsibility to contribute to that. I need to teach honesty, work ethic and compassion for mankind.
Religiously, I feel like it is my responsibility that they know they are children of God, that they understand the process of getting answers from him and to guide their search in a relationship with Him. It is important I let them steer their own boat, but teach them how get over certain waves if they so choose.
The following talk was one I read while studying parenting this week, I feel that is captures a lot of what I feel on parenting.
The world needs courageous parents who are willing to take as stand for their children.
I also really like this quote:
"Parents are with their children almost constantly and can observe when they are ready to be instructed. From questions or behavior or because of experiences in their own lives, they can sense that it is time to teach. Parents must know when the time for the lesson is now, right now, for their children are ready for it."
There was a specific part of this article that stood out to me. When Dennis Prager mentioned , "As a rule, little children don't contribute much to the intellectual life of a parent. Any intellectually alive woman who is a full-time mother must therefore find intellectual stimulation elsewhere."
This is interesting. As a mother of two young children, I have felt growth in a lot areas and have gained much wisdom, but I would have to agree that there needs to be an outside source to provide intellectual life. He mentioned his wife did things like watch the history channel, stay well informed in politics and so on. Her search for self sustaining knowledge didn't interfere with her initial goal of being home with her children, but she did have to be innovative in her desire to stay educated.
I think as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints, I have a religion that provides ample oppurtunities to study and learn and grow intellectually, and it doesn't need to stop there. I think the 'mind for a mop' isn't because mothers choose to stay home, but because mothers choose to stop learning and expanding their horizons.
With my first child I dropped out of college to stay home with her, the time period was about two and half years. Schedules opened up and my husband and I both felt it was for our family's best interest if I went back to school to finish my degree. This semester I am gone half a day Tuesday and Thursday taking 12 credits. I do my homework during nap time rather than relaxing or wasting time. It has been invigorating, I have found myself involved in more intelligent conversation with other moms during play dates, I am a more motivated mother and am not pouring from an empty cup.
I'm not saying you need to leave the home and be a full time student for a time to get that fulfillment, but I have definitely learned to be successful in raising children there needs to a constant flow of knowledge and intellectual learning on the mother's end.
The remarkable thing is the flexibilty staying at home gives mothers to grow intellecually. As was stated in the article, there is more time than if the mother had a regular 8-5 job. Stay at home moms have the potential to be the among the most intelligent in their social circles, because they work their intellectual interests into their daily schedules. It was interesting to think about.
I definitely think a stay at home mom takes work and an intelligent woman to complete the job successfully.
First let me tell you a shocking (to me anyway) results from a study recently done:
Communication is interpreted
14% Words Spoken
35% Tone of Voice
51% Nonverbal
Holy cow! What about texting and emails? Can't you see the problems that can arise in this day and age?
That just blew my mind. When we are talking with members of our families, we need to make sure these three things align- that our words match our tone and our non verbal- an honest relationship would consist of that. Let me draw a chart of how communication tends to take place.
We need to be aware that what we are thinking isn't necessarily interpreted correctly- there if first the struggle to put into words what we mean, then the media in which we choose to do so (like our underlying body language,) then, the other person must interpret what was said. It is like the game we used to play as kids, called Telephone- it is important to be exact for communication to work effectively.
There are three things that make up the experience of a family:
A (actual event)
B (behavioral response) +C (cognitions)
X (experience)
Many times our reponse can be bigger than the crisis itself. It is crucial we understand our role in the crisus. Knowing that each person's experience will vary extremely from the actual event, it is crucial we be empathetic to what the other people in the situation are thinking, we also need to understand the need to speak up why we are acting the way we are. There is eminent danger when important things go unsaid.
It is common for a depression to develop as a reaction to a given experience. In order to recognize this in ourselves we must constantly evaluate our thoughts- are they extreme? Are they distorted? Depressing thoughts can become a habit and even an addiction so it is crucial to be aware of what your mind is thinking and to vocalize what could be misunderstandings.
"As a man thinketh, so is he."
As far as family crisis go, I really appreciated this inspirational thought on dealing with hard times, in general. I am a firm believer in families and I know they can conquer any pains through Jesus Christ.
Sunday Will Come
“Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
“But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
“No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come.”
I think a big thing I got from this week was the importance of boundaries. It is crucial we save the very best and the very most of ourselves for our spouses. Emotional affairs can be a real threat. Where we invest our energy is where will will likely want to be. We learned to take cautions with friends and social networking. There is a place for friends and keeping in touch, but we must always make sure they are there to bring us closer to our spouse, not draw us away from them.
I also thought about pornography, and how it can detract from a marriage, I love this video made by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the speaker is Jeffery R. Holland on the subject.
Lets talk about love!!
There are four types of love we discussed in class this week. I will list them and try to describe what they mean in relationships we are familiar with, then I will discuss how each type of love is needful in a marriage. These loves have a lot to do with marriage transitions- many couple enter marriage thinking it going to to be lovey-dovey, exciting and erotic 24/7 and are not prepared to accept the other loves to appreciate the fullness of loves in a marriage relationship.
AGAPE unconditional, for goodwill
This is similar to God's love
As a spouse this is needed in you want what is best for your spouse, you are willing to sacrifice your wants for the goodwill of your spouse. Through thick and thin, you are there when your spouse needs you. No matter if you got in a fight that morning, this kind of love allows you to forget it completely if you spouse runs in with an emergency in need of your help. There is an omnipotent feel to this relationship, like a knowing that the relationship will have its ups and downs and you are in it for the long run.
EROS: erotic, sexual, romantic
Romantic Comedies
This is the love you fall in love with. Although, it is unrealistic to have this love every second of everyday, it is very needful in a marriage. There needs to be intimacy and attraction and flirtations, this the exciting, giggly part of your love.
STROGE: parent and children
As a parent I am willing to be whatever I need to be in order for my child to be happy. I may have to be a disciplinarian, a shoulder to cry on, a counselor, a tutor- whatever it may be as my daughter's mother I was determined to be that for her. The love needed nothing in return, yet I have much of myself invested in it. Similarly, this love is needful in marriage- sometimes a spouse needs a friend, a lover, a support system, a comedian- this love permits your willingness to be this for your spouse- and in so doing you invest into the happiness and success of your spouse. You take their happiness as a personal reflection of your love.
PHILLA: friends, brotherly
This is important to a marriage because you need to appreciate one another's companionship, there needs to be humor and trust and willingness to stand for you relationship.
