Marriage Prep

Three things I would like to discuss regarding dating! The first is what I am going to call "The Dating Filter." Next I will explain the Know-quo, and the three P's of dating.
So first, the Dating Filter, my friends.

Let me explain. First, we date those who fit in with our propinquity, in other words, who is convenient in location or kinship or culture or similarities.  Then comes the first filter- physical attraction, it is inevitable. Then there will be a series of other filters (as shown) and eventually all these filters will narrow your search down to one! So, yes, I thought that was an interesting way to look at the dating game- if you will.
Next I want to talk about the KnoQuo.  There are three essential things that are needed in order to know the person you dating well enough to know if they would be good to marry.

1. Talk (mutual disclosure.)
• It is crucial both partners are invested with disclosure so both know the other well.
2. Time (less than 3 months, you don't know them well enough.)
• The infatuation and raging hormones calm down at around 3 months and you can think practically.
3. Togetherness (variety of situations paralleled to marriage.)
• Dating, variety of intentional dates that put in your introspective situations.

The third aspect I would like to talk about is The three p's of dating and I would like to show the relation with the three p's of a father in the home (both of these p's are in taught in the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints.) You can tell how ready someone is for Fatherhood, by how they date, you  know!

1. Planned Ahead....Similar to Preside
• Making everything is squared away and taking charge of the date.
2. Paid for....Similar to Provide
• Making sure all needs are met.
3. Paired off....Similar to Protect
• Take care of your date, make sure they are comfortable.

Social Class and Diversity

This week we were asked if social class affects the ability a family to perform its responsibilities.  My initial answer was yes. I was viewing social class as more than money or wealth, but as knowledge, education and religion as well. My reasoning was people of a better social class tend to live in better communities, I think they have better confidence and gain the ability to take advantage of more opportunities.  But then as we started to discuss what  a family's responsibilities are, I had a small change of opinion.  In the eternal perspective, I believe a family is responsible for raising children to love God. No matter your social class, or resources everyone is equally capable of this task. I think in a family, it is important to learn work ethic, independence and a view of how your personal actions affect those around you (thats my systems theory playing into everything!)  All families are capable of this- lower social classes may actually have it easier to instill these qualities since there is a larger need to work for income and each family member is crucial to the success of the family, the families are more intertwined and aware of how the outside world affects them.   It was interesting hearing everyone's comments about this matter. I really gained a deeper understanding of the role of families in society and how focusing on social class can take away from this.

Gender, Gender

This week I was more convinced of the importance of gender. If gender doesn't matter- why the distinction? This week, we discussed the hot topic of gender- whether or not it is innate or environmental, we discussed same-gender attraction and we discussed how gender roles affect the family.
I would first like to talk about some across-the-board likelihoods in each gender that we discussed in class and learned from our reading.

Females Tendencies:
Sensitive
Emotional
Observant to Detail
Map via Landmarks
Cooperate
Relationship Oriented
Better Connection

Male Tendencies:
Aggressive
Direction/North, South, East, West Mapping
Spatial Orientaiton
Competitive
Task Oriented
Self Reliant
Better Process

It was interesting as we talked about how well these qualities intertwine with one another.  I thought about how in marriage my husband has had to help me become more independent and task oriented and I in turn have provided a relationship focus he is learning from. It is truly the perfect combination.
Of course not every female fits into the above list and not every male fits into the Male list of characteristics. Does that make them some third gender?  No.  Males were created Males. Females were created females. Yet, when we meet a boy who say, plays with barbies or likes fashion we automatically refer to him as gay.  We label him before he even has the chance to make a choice for himself.
One thing in which I am certain. Our identity is that of a child of God.  That is first and foremost of anything we do in this life.
Too often gender roles are mislabeled in a conflict when they were created to work in equal harmony. I am grateful for traits that set me apart as a woman.

Understanding Family Dynamics and Theories

Today I am going to talk about the different theories in explaining family dynamics.  There are four specific ones we talked about in class. (most of my information is from pages 20-22 of Marriage and Family, Lauer & Lauer.)

1. Exchange Theory: the idea that we try to keep our costs lower than our rewards in our interactions. Cost being anything from time, money, energy, emotional output- anything you would say in your investment in the relationship.  Rewards would be the same list but what comes back to you from the other person. It is a rational assessment of a relationship- if the relationship costs more than it rewards you will theoretically walk away from that relationship.
2. Symbolic Interaction Theory: Humans are shaped by their interaction experiences. Our interpretation of the situation is practically the situation in itself- how view the experience is more important than the experience itself.
3. Conflict Theory: This is the idea that all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict and change in groups as they struggle to be the best. This can range from social class, to religion, to gender. 
4. Systems Theory: the group must be analyzed as a whole. The group has boundaries that extinguish it from other groups. In each system each member takes a certain role to contribute to the family system. What happens to one person affects the family has a whole.

In class we put a "family" in a circle holding hands. When one family member is pulled in a certain way the rest of family showed obvious strain. I really liked watching the analogy. 

 

Week One

Elder M. Russell Ballard's recent remarks at General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

"And, of course, societies at large are strengthened as families grow stronger. Commitments to family and values are the basic cause. Nearly everything else is effect. When couples marry and make commitments to each other, they greatly increase their chances of economic well-being. When children are born in wedlock and have both a mom and a dad, their opportunities and their likelihood of occupational success skyrocket. And when families work and play together, neighborhoods and communities flourish, economies improve, and less government and fewer costly safety nets are required.

So the bad news is that family breakdown is causing a host of societal and economic ills. But the good news is that, like any cause and effect, those ills can be reversed if what is causing them is changed. Inequities are resolved by living correct principles and values. Brothers and sisters, the most important cause of our lifetime is our families. If we will devote ourselves to this cause, we will improve every other aspect of our lives and will become, as a people and as a church, an example and a beacon for all peoples of the earth."

I fell that this coincides so well with my feelings from this week's materials and discussions. I feel Elder Ballard's remarks ring true.  This week we learned some trends in today's society including:

Delayed Marriages

Lowered Birth Rates

More Unwed Births

Mothers working (especially when children are 6 or younger.)

Premarital Sex

Cohabitation

All these trends move us further away from the needed structure of the family. With these trends, Population is lowering and slowing down, Education trends head in the wrong direction, and with lower population and productivity levels, our economic successes falter. 

Devoting ourselves to family will only stabilize the foundation of our society.

First Off: Meet my Family!

Below is the family I come from!

My mom and dad are in front, then left to right: David, 29, Rebecca, 18, Matthew 22, Me! Mary 24, and James 26.

Next is the family I have since started:

Left to Right: Johnny 16months, John 26, Me! Mary 24, and Caity 3.

These are the people who have motivated me to go into Family and Marriage Studies. Through these eternal relationships I have learned the power families can have on our happiness and ability to go out and uplift the world.  I hope to be able to expound on this knowledge throughout this course, and teach my children what my parents taught me: 

Family Matters. 

...and that's my take on it.